Otherland: The Unsubconscious

"I am the boy who won't let go

I live in my head and I don't look like my photos

And I hate the sound of the world outside

'Cause everybody coming here can't wait to say goodbye

I followed your car to my childhood home

And I looked for the key hidden under the stone

And I still hear the sound in my father's voice

When he lifts me up like I'm a little boy"

This is no place at all. It is not really here, at least not in the material sense. It is a world of imagination, the place we all can go to breathe and search and observe. It may be some escape into the twilight zone or a night gallery of our thoughts and fears. It is anthology, and memory, and all we hold dear. We all have an otherland, a place we all name as our own. It is safe refuge. It's more like television playing in our head. We can see it and we can hear it but we know it isn't really there. Every thought we have ever thought of, every dream we have ever dreamed, melt into the ether that is the entirety of our person. Every secret stands accessible, waiting to be seen and finally heard. The sum of who we are has been cumulative, adding layer after layer to the invisible part of us. It is all there just waiting, waiting for nothing, waiting for nothing at all.

"I saw horses from my window

They were watching all the cars go

And they don't care that I am broken

Close my eyes and run beside them

I'm already free

So don't look for me here

'Cause I run in my dreams"

I'm a relatively social person. I have always had friends. There has been little time in my adulthood where I did not have a significant other. I involve myself with my family. I placate to my neighbours and those I work with. I have to synchronize with my partner. I try, sometimes with great effort, to blend myself nicely among the public domain. I am friendly and I attempt to act with kindness (for the most part). I don't mean to sound like a hermit. I swear I am not anti-social but if the truth were told, I would rather be by myself. At this point in my life, I much prefer silence to all that noise. I don't hate anyone and I am not trying to run away. The reality that I manifest while alone is something of an otherworld. Few would even know how to get there. I do. It is my unsubconscious mind. My favourite place. Storage for all my nightmares and dreams. It is everything I am and so much more. It is secret and shelter and someplace that I can hide. The world I create on my own is the fabric of how I see myself. This filter is how we all see ourselves. We may never show it to another. We may never grant free admission but it is still the greatest reflection of who we are. I say bid them enter. All are welcome to take a peek. While others tend to build walls around their little world, I add windows so that one might see inside.

"I am the girl who won't let go

I live in my house and I don't like my photos

And I hate the sound of the world outside

And I still haven't found my place to hide"

Assuming you've made it this far, your history, the life you have led, can be a survivor's guide of sorts. The past can teach and mistakes may well correct you. It may very well help you get past almost anything. Your journey is an otherland, an accounting for everything you have said and done. You stand defined by your experience. All the good things and all the bad things exist here together. They are a weave of everything we are. They are regret and they hold promise. They are the past and also what the future may hold (as least to our own thinking). In the bleakest corner of this place thrives shame. This is the landscape we do not wish to visit. It is a hidden part, so hidden we often don't even know it's there most of the time. All in all, this is a friendly place. A safety space, unknown to another. If you look inside, you may see something worth sharing. Therein lies purpose and effect and Grace. Swing wide open the windows I have built. Pull back the curtains and let the outside come in. Run away in your dreams if you dare. Why look for the otherland when you are already there?