It's not
that sex is a taboo subject for me. My sex life is really none of your
business. There is a huge difference, for me, between what I think and say and
how I fuck someone. The latter is completely irrelevant (except to the fuckee).
I just can't approach the subject from an objective position. I can discuss the
topic until I'm sore. When it comes to my private activities, I would rather
say nothing at all. With that being said, it can be intimidating to express
your ideas on sexuality. It can be hard and often difficult to
move freely within the parameters. People ramble on and on
about their conquests but never their failures. Some people cannot rise to the
occasion. Perhaps the matter needs some lubrication, a way to slide into the
topic on a much less personal and much more humorous playing field. Always wear
a rubber.
Being a gay
man in this much more tolerant world, you would think it would be easy for me
to reveal my sexuality to people. Don't get me wrong, it most certainly is, but
that doesn't mean I have to like it. The act of telling someone you are a
homosexual invites them, at least in their mind, to conclude certain things.
I'm sorry but I don't want you assuming that I am a cocksucker and/or sodomite.
I doesn't really matter if I am. I wish there was some way to not allow such an
approach, such intimate information. I
have had a partner for the last 18 years but it doesn't get any easier for me
to invite anyone into my private world. I don't want to know whether your
husband eats out your pussy so why should you have access to what I do or don't
do with my penis and/or any orifice you might imagine? Unlike heterosexuality,
which entails certain moral privacy, what I experience as a gay man should be an
issue for me and me alone. Well, myself and
the object of my erection.
I got older
and sex changed for me. As a young adult, I frequented so many gay bars I
looked like the poster girl (not really, but it fits). As an untreated
Bi-polar, you can imagine the heightened sexual impulses that flooded my mind
and body at the time.
Getting laid was all that really mattered to me back then. Left
without it, I was driven to just seek more and more and more. One conquest
after the other made little difference. The urges were out of control because I
had no control. Anything outside of the norm found a place within less
mainstream parts of the gay community. It can appear that anything goes. This
promiscuous behaviour had always been as rampant in the heterosexual community
but we just don't talk about that. They use much the same tools but what they
hammer is much different. Most "breeders" have an innate sense of
validation no matter what they themselves tend to do. For me, sex always had a
power over me. It always controlled me, drove me towards hedonism and the quest
for coital gratification. Copulation was purpose and nothing else really
mattered.
Julie: "He said that he loved me."
Helen: "Men say that. They all say that. Then they
cum."
(Parenthood, film
1989)
When people
realize the accessibility gay men have to casual sexual encounters, it tends to
justify any moral and/or spiritual superiority they cling to. The acts of so
many sinners validates the very what, and the why, religious people think the
way they do regarding the sin that once did not speak its name. If you care to
notice, now we just won't shut up. I long for ambiguity in our expression. For
the general population, we have always just assumed that the people we meet are
heterosexual. Let them keep thinking that and leave us to our different world.
It's much more fun without you. Most people never consider the availability of
this vice until they witness it for themselves.
Browsing Church Street in Toronto , on my 19th
birthday, was like putting a kid in a candy shop. Amongst all the things one
can chew or suck on, I discovered a smorgasbord beyond anything I could have
imagined while I beat my meat all through High School. The cup really does
overflow. Throughout the 1980s, this trend in moral diversity brandished in
spite of the AIDS epidemic. For awhile, accessibility came covered in latex but
it existed and flourished regardless. The sky is the limit when it comes to
debauchery and the lasciviousness nature of man (and most times even his
woman).
My friends
who live in Toronto
have an entire landscape based on sex to indulge in. They are not at play in
the fields of the Lord. There is a seedy lifestyle, an underground "modus
vivendi" most people never recognize, let alone acknowledge.
It's like an otherland of sin and lust and reckless abandon
(in some cases). I'm in no position to judge. There are many times that I wish
I could go back and access the way things were in those days. From bathhouses
to online sex apps to park cruising, you can always find what you need. Maybe
you are into barebacking, or watersports, or even fisting, you can cum and get
it. "Gifting" parties are still a dime a dozen. Let us add a little
meth or G or K, or even poppers, to top (or bottom) off the night, depending on
your proclivity. If you want to have a gang bang, Google it. If you want to
suck someone off in front of 32 strangers, just go to the Black Eagle. When I
was in San Francisco ,
I was invited to join 16 other men in an orgy. A gang bang is like mashed
potatoes. They come with each entrée. Any flavour, any fashion, any gender you
choose to be, it all lies within the grasp. It's a different world and not for
the fainthearted. You walk up to the buffet and you fill your plate with your fondest
desires then rush home to your wife and children and the dog you bought last
week.
Not every
gay man is promiscuous. Not every lesbian takes multiple tugboats to Tuna Town San Diego . For
some reason, we don't generalize when we sit in the majority. We demonize,
criticize and even attempt to destroy. We tend to project our own shortcomings
(so to speak) on others. The very same things we cast upon them we do ourselves
in silence. I suppose one solution is more masturbation. We self-indulge
regardless, so we should at least get something out of it. There is nothing
wrong with spilling and wasting your seed.
"Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I
love."
(Annie Hall, film
1977)
He added me
to his Facebook without consulting me and I added him like I do with every
request that I receive. He started lurking on my page, liking this and sharing
that. Suddenly, he messaged me, teasing and tweaking at my interest. It didn't
work. This wasn't Gay.com or some fetish site like Recon, rather, he began his
dance on my Facebook account. I started mutually poking him as a sign of
friendship. He poked me so I poked him back. I had no idea he took it all so
literally. I was hoping it would settle him down. Not a chance. He started asking
for me to send him pictures. He wanted pictures of my dick, pictures of my
chest and even pictures of my ass and, as he referred to it, my "hole".
I have to admit, after his constant '"show you mine if you show me
yours" diatribe, I felt a little marginalised. He expected me to join in
his parade simply because I was a gay man. When I told him I had a partner for
over 18 years, he asked me politely to no longer poke him. If I wasn't
interested in him sexually, then I was clearly disposable. It was insulting for
me to be viewed as a piece of meat ready for consumption. I would have loved
the entire scenario when I was 21 years of age; that was then, this is now. The
entire experience left me feeling used and a little icky. Wrong place, wrong
time pal!
I blocked the fucker for good measure.
You don't
see animals, out in the woods, trying to fuck each other over for a little
piece of tail. You don't see raccoons trying to shove pine cones up their ass
and they rarely try to copulate on a baby from some litter. Ducks do not drink
each other's urine and rarely do you see a peacock after the sex change. Yes,
the animal kingdom also roams in the land of coitus. They rape, they breed,
they do all sorts of things. I suppose that's one reason we call them animals.
As if mankind is more civilized. I'm just glad that with age came the ability
to separate sex from pleasure. The two do not always go hand in hand. As a
teenager in a small town, long before the internet, the hunt was something that
drove me. Instant gratification didn't necessarily exist back when and it took
far too long. At least, it did for me. Modern gay men have it so much easier to
find whatever their proclivity might be. Social media has changed the way we
cruise for cock and the way we look at sex. I have made a lot of mistakes in my
time and I regret many of the things I've done. Speaking sexually, I can count
on one hand the amount of times I have regretted going out in the woods. For
the record, I am not into pine cones.
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http://twohornyguys.com/tag/nude/
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