Life can be trying at the best of times. With all that
people must endure on a daily basis, it can be difficult to see a way through
it all. Some people turn to drugs or alcohol as an escape. Some people throw
themselves into their job or their lifestyle as a means to handle whatever may
come. Sometimes there is nothing one can do to be free from it, so people try
to ride out the storm, deluged by the wind and the thunder and all the rain. A few people, more than I would care to
acknowledge, give it all up and surrender to doom. We all consider that option
but only a few ever use it as the ultimate escape. Whether relying on social
media or merging with your television screen, we all deal with things
differently. Each of us suffers but how one reacts to the suffering is more
instinct than conditioning. The way you handle life seems to be determined more
by who you are than by what you experience. The latter may nurture the
inevitable but I just assume it is a pre-existing condition that determines how
we will react to the environment within which we exist. People like to think we
all are different but at base, we really are more the same. Our reactions may
be dissimilar but that catalyst always comes from the same place. We uniquely experience
life but all our feelings are the same.
When we
love someone, there are always special and commanding moments. We share in each
other and relish the time we spend together. Some of the time. When we love
someone, there are always dark and depressing moments. We ridicule each other,
striking out through all the pain and bewilderment. Most of the time. Each
person must face the challenge or sacrifice themselves to hopelessness. When
someone loves, the very substance of what we feel is common among everyone.
When we fear, we all feel the same fear. When we doubt, we all feel the same
sense of anguish. There are a myriad of possibilities human beings experience
on a daily basis, but every feeling we have is the same as anyone else would
have. We may hate someone for different reasons. We may despise them and avoid
ever speaking to them again. This is simply how we respond. Inside, we are on
fire with rage, just like any other person would be. Our jealousy, our rancour,
all our internal expressions are exactly the same as every other person on the planet.
We all love different but it always feels the same. We all suffer differently
but pain always feels the same. The more we seek to separate ourselves through
our reactions to the crap life gives us, the more we can see that all those
differences have a common ground, a unifying presence that we all share. We all
sound very different but we all howl the same.
If there is
one component we all rely on during trying times, it is our imagination. It is
the greatest coping skill that any of us possess. We all have an “outside”
place that we can evade life just by visiting. Every person’s Otherland is
unique unto themselves but the foundation it is built on is primarily the same.
The destination may appear to be different, but the essence of this place is
exactly the same in every one of us. We all escape for the very same reasons.
Some may entertain silence as a form of circumventing
the constant drone of it all. Some may manifest great fantasy as a means of
eluding the ups and downs. Some replay the past, over and over, in order to
strive for peace and some are inclined towards thoughts of the future, a hope
we tell ourselves is true. Each person, every mind, has that inner voice, that
refuge from the storm. It is the same ether for each of us. We simply fill it
with our own perspective. It all looks otherwise but it’s all the same. It is
true that we all suffer, to one degree or another. It’s true that life is unfair
and brings great chaos into our midst. Sometimes we don’t need life to punish
us as we do it well enough to ourselves. Regardless, in trying times we all
flee to our “happy place”. We evade so as to find our sanity. We rely on it to
calm the storm. Under most circumstances, we find ourselves running to a good place
in order to avoid the experience we are going through. Every person’s sanctuary
is essentially the same safe harbour but all the boats are different in the
bay. We all have the same place within us even though it appears to be
decorated differently. We all have an Otherland and it lies over the rainbow.
“Somewhere over the
rainbow, way up high
There’s a land that I've
heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the
rainbow, skies are blue
And the dreams that
you dare to dream,
Really do come true.
Someday I’ll wish
upon a star
And wake up where the
clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt
like lemon drops,
High above the
chimney tops,
That’s where you’ll
find me.
Somewhere over the
rainbow, blue birds fly
Birds fly over the
rainbow
Why then, oh why can’t
I?
If happy little
bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can’t I?”
(Somewhere Over The Rainbow, Judy Garland 1939)
She laid in
that hospital bed for months. Despite her confinement, she somehow managed to fit
in a daily round of golf. She would close her eyes, pick up a club and play on.
She knew it wasn’t real but she went there anyway. She found some form of
contentment, even if it was all in her head. This was her happy place and it
was a lovely spot to visit. She would stay there if she could. It brought her
much needed relief.
He sat in
the same cell, day after day, all alone, so all alone. Haunted by guilt and regret,
he took any opportunity to flee. The only real option he had was to find a better
place in his mind. He was okay there. His mistakes had all been erased there.
He would find his bed, fall upon it and then he would take to flight. He would
fly away. Some birds are not bound to be caged. In his mind’s eye, he could
actually soar. He often took to the skies to be free. His happy place brought
much needed release.
He had been
going there for so long that it now seemed second nature. He bent down unto the
freshly mowed grass and placed the flowers before him, just barely touching the
stone and her epitaph. When he was here, he was never really here. The weight
of this world was heavy upon him but he felt such peace kneeling beside her and
the marker bearing her name. It was another place and time that he would meet
with her. Together they would walk and talk and spend much needed time together.
He knew it wasn’t her. He knew it was all in his head. He went there anyway. It
was the only way he got through it, and the only thing on which he could rely.
When he was
home he brought with him fresh hell. For a 10 year old girl, it meant the smell
of him and the weight of him. Her tears had long ago turned to stone. When he
was not home, she went to a magical place. At school she would plan an escape
but it was her home time, without him there, that was the best time of her day.
She would sit with her Barbies and all her stuffed animals, and she would pour from
a pot of tea for each and every one. In her castle, she was the princess. There
are no monsters or masters with whom she must contend. It was her only refuge.
This life
has been unkind to him. He should be haunted by things from his past and he should
fear what lies waiting for him in the future. He rarely thinks about them.
They are there but he is not. He rarely stops, no pause,
like there is nothing at all to think about. In the strongest sense, he is
free. When he lays down each night, his
mind is not filled with sorrow and regret. He just goes someplace else. A world
of superheroes and their mighty acts fills his senses as he drifts into sleep.
He is free there, free to rest.
From the
day she was born, life was a challenge. By the time she was 7 years old, she
couldn’t walk, couldn’t feed herself or go to the washroom alone. It was really
nothing but a waiting game. Eventually, all the child had left was within her.
Unable to communicate and interact with other people, her entire world was all
inside. She was happy there. She could fly there. She could dance there. It was
really all she had. As she aged, she visited the moon and drank wine off the
coast of Sicily .
She was beautiful on her side of the rainbow. She was almost free and every
day, she would run.
“Some men dream of
fame
And some of fortune
Some men dream about
Time gone by
All men dream of
someone
They’d like to become
Cause without dreams
inside us
Yeah, without dreams
How could we all get
by?”
(The Dream Never Dies, the Cooper Brothers 1978)
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